Like many women when they first get married I believed I would get pregnant so easily. I started taking birth control at 25 for cramps, got married, and soon got off of them because we figured in a few years we’d have a baby. This is what you did to get ready for that.
So my husband and I began the natural family planning method. I would diligently take my temperature every morning and then begin to chart it. Well a year into that I realized that my diligence had lasted for a few months. I was terrible at it, pitiful at remembering every morning and was completely off my chart by halfway through the week.
With that realization a lightbulb moment hit, “I should totally be pregnant since I am not doing this right?” Yet I wasn’t. It was soon after that realization that I went to my OB only to discover I had this thing called endometriosis, web-like cysts preventing my pregnancy. A few months later, I entered surgery to remove this problem, completely confident I was on my way to having a baby. Problem found, problem solved right?
Well, apparently not! Another year passed and we still weren’t able to conceive. All I could think was “why is this happening to us?”
It was then that a friend of mine going through a similar situation referred me to a specialist. Once again receiving the confirmation that I had endometriosis, I was informed it grows back and will continue to hinder my pregnancy. On top of this challenge we discovered my husband had a low sperm count. I felt the problems were just piling on an already insurmountable pile of difficulty. Determined not to give up I went through another few surgeries.
We wanted a child so badly we took the obvious next step, we entered the world of fertility treatment, hormones, doctor visits, working our lives around this challenge we never expected to face. I had gone through four Intra-uterine Inseminations when I found out I was pregnant. An emotional high at last celebrating success quickly ended a mere 24 hours later. I miscarried. It was devastating.
We had gone through so much pain to get pregnant, but not only that we were also out so much money. I hit rock bottom. I had an incredibly stressful job at the time, I was overweight, had acne and worst of all had a horrible relationship with my husband.
I resented God for this happening especially when I looked at everyone who seemed to have such an easy road to get pregnant. I was unhappy with almost everything. We decided to take some time off. A few months rolled into nearly a year, we were so very weary.
It was then that I met a friend of my sisters who was going through nutrition school and offered to do an assessment on me. I figured I would at least give this world a try, if for no other reason than my health could use it. Finding that I was allergic to many foods I changed the way I ate. My body began to heal and my heart did too. Another friend who also was going through the same journey recommended a book to me that walked my faith back and offered God’s promise for me. I began to make flash cards of the verses and read over these promises every day. We decided to try again.
This time, my heart, spirit and body were in a better place. I hoped that no matter what happened, God had a wonderful plan for us. After two more treatments we were pregnant! We had a little boy, Landon on Sept 2, 2010. We did have to go through fertility a second time to conceive our second son Tucker on Dec 23, 2013. We were given our hard fought for family. I do realize many have taken the same roads yet never become pregnant.
I know my end is not everyone’s journey conclusion.
Because of my experience I now run a ministry through our home church in Austin, Texas called Hope in Shiloh. I’ve met many other couples that have faced or are facing the same challenges as my husband and I. I had so many days of grief and sadness and I understand the discouragement this road brings.
What I want for all who are facing this challenge to know is this, trusting in God fully he delivered me not only from my infertility but my unbelief. God always has a plan. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 Each plan is different. It may be having your own children. It may be adopting another’s. It may be that your home becomes a place of encouragement for those who have found their purpose in life without children.
Often through the fog it’s hard to see it but when you come out the other side of trusting him, he always comes through.